This post is dedicated to Yogi Amy In your time of sorrow, I send you Karma. May your healing energy and radiant light invert and shine bright back at you!

I’ve had the privilege of being on the journey of self-discovery, searching for meaning, purpose and listening to my inner dialogue for many years.  I call it a privilege because it is.  Not everyone is in a position to free up mind space for self-reflection let alone have the autonomy to dedicate hours to self-care. My focus on this necessity came before the yoga craze, before I was a mother and serial entrepreneur and pre-social media.

These days it’s trendy and buzz worthy to talk about self-care, check your feeds and you’ll come across an endless stream of memes promoting self-love, self-worthiness and the notion of slowing down to take a breather.  Real life, this is where we are as a society, the pace of time so vigorous it is necessary to reiterate via Instagram a reminder to consume oxygen in a slow deliberate manner.  “Breathe”, “Let it go”, “Stay Focused” “Be still”.  And yet as we scroll through these messages and double tap our screen, we are all consumed in a life of contradictions.  Scroll a little more and you’ll find just as many quotes encouraging the opposing messages “Rise and Grind”, “Hustle Hard”, “Stay Focused”.

After my phone interview with Macy’s and finding out we were selected, my husband came home and congratulated me.  He asked if we could celebrate the accomplishment over a glass of wine?  With my shoulders tensing to my ears, Apple on my lap, exasperated, I bluntly looked at him and said “I’m working tonight, I have to figure out packaging” (insert bitchy tone).  Since then I have been plugging away intensely to meet the requirements and ship my items in a timely manner.  “The dream is free the hustle is sold separately.”

I sat on my mat this morning and I set my intention with Amy as my guide to “Just Be”.   I’m working on this incredible opportunity to showcase my brand Swurly at Macy’s in Lenox Square, the date of launch is in just a few weeks.   The preparation and list of task to be completed have created stress and anxiety for me.  I’ve noticed that when I am highly focused on the business aspects of what I do, my creativity is hindered.  Nonetheless, I don’t see stress as the enemy.  To me, stress and anxiety is a normal part of being.

A snippet from my personal Facebook Page of what it took to get here :

Validation comes from within, so don’t rely on anyone to dictate your path, your goals or your limits.

They told me that I should wait before wholesaling so I secured five accounts within a few weeks.  

They said no one would be willing to invest in a high-end sleep cap, so I sourced the finest 19-momme mulberry silk I could find and raised my prices.

They told me you need collateral and a track record to get an eCommerce loan, so I sidestepped the lender and got a line of credit to scale up my production.
They said it’s so competitive and your competition is selling in Neiman Marcus. I proceeded to apply for Macy’s and SwurlyCo will be in Lenox Mall in Atlanta this August. While I was waiting to announce this, until it was signed sealed and delivered, Giana beat me to the chase. When it comes to inspiration and motivation, I don’t have to look too far. I don’t tell you this to boast, though I am shining at this opportunity

This is the state I was in when I signed up for not one but two of Amy’s classes this week.  If you don’t know Yogi Amy, she has a way of giving you mindful therapy, physical therapy and in sol roll a little massage therapy all in one session.  Yes please! Efficiency is key, I have #notimetowaste. 

Yesterday at flow she spoke of “the law of detachment.”

Check this out on www.chopra.com it says:

• “I will not force solutions on problems thereby creating new problems.” 
• “I will participate in everything with detached involvement.”  
• “ Today I will factor in uncertainty as an essential ingredient of my experience. In my willingness to except uncertainty, solutions will spontaneously emerge out of the problem, out of the confusion, disorder, and chaos. The more uncertain things seem to be, the more secure I will feel.”

Does these statements cause anxiety for anyone else like they do for me? I don’t know that I am capable of going lightly, I don’t know if I’m willing to completely let go.  The only thing in my life that has unfolded naturally without me being the driving force is falling in love with my husband and the relationship that insued from our primal attraction.  My accomplishments are driven by concrete intentions, followed by hard work and determination.  I struggle with the concept of going with the flow.  There is no such thing as a short cut.

Prior to class I told Amy I dove into that law of detachment the she mentioned in yesterday’s class.  She smiled and said “did it speak to you?”  It certainly did but not so much in the way you intended it to.  I explained to her my need to control, my need to fulfill and my constant pursuit of life.”  She explained to me that those desires are not in opposition to this law though when I am on the mat, I need to let the outcome be unintentional.  That in this space I need to lose control, come out of my head and into my soul.  I needed to hear that.  “there is no big revelation in the stories in your head or your to-do list that need to be resolved during this hour.”  Letting go of those goals for an hour. It may power the rest of your day.  

For someone who established and operated a wellness spa for many of years, I am not inately relaxed.  I am quite high strung, tightly bond and fiercely goal oriented.  To deliver is not to receive.  Don’t get it twisted book me with a ninety minute massage and I’ll lay dormant releasing the tension that my body needs, still my mind is probably racing.  To be of service to others can result in sacrificing your own inner peace.

In a world of contradictions, it is not despite my neurotic perfectionist ideals that I built a therapeutic business for others, it is because of that passion that I did so successfully.  The importance of mindfully setting aside time to restore our bodies energy is as crystal clear to me now as it was a decade ago.  Selling my company I decided to write from home to change my workload, my pace and to find balance.  Only to learn it wasn’t so much the position as it was the person in the position that set the level of intensity. 

As I continue to pursuit my life’s purpose, with high ambitions, grand expectations, intense energy I realize that not everyone can handle my pace.  Being highly creative, highly critical and highly visible comes at a price.  I realize I may never achieve the elusive balance in life however on the mat, I can just be.   I’m uncomfortable with relinquishing control but for an hour I can flow.

While I was uncertain about taking the time to tend to myself with my never ending list of task to complete, the hour I spent in yoga saved me hours of combatting writer’s block.  Knowing how my mind works I’ll never “be still” or let life spontaneously happen to me, however I will continue to work on countering that energy. After releasing my muscles the words flowed so easily.  In her time of need Amy showed up for us yogis.  The light in me honors and see the light in you, Namaste. 

To flow with Amy you can find her here. For more on living life like a boss read this post.